Huge Fax: Gaucho Bill's Fax that started the Rat Family, 1995

Gaucho Bill

Huge Fax of the Day, sometime in 1995

Romey,

This is in response to Tuesday's Huge Fax finalist who referred to Aranxa Sanchez-Vicario as a "beast". My friend, you are in dire need of some guidance. Granted, Sanchez-Vicario is no MacPherson, Evangalista, Campbell, or Hurley. You can even go so far as to call her a "double-bagger". But as far as Women's Tennis goes, the debate over who is the most repulsive looking player on tour is not even close.

I was watching cable tv late last night and the movie on was called "Rat Boy". It's about a guy that, you guessed it...has the face of a rat. I'm sitting there feeling sorry for this kid because everybody makes fun of him when it hits me...If he can find himself a feminito, his problems are history. Well, the search is over!! I've found the little facially challenged lad a perfect mate. It's none other than Monica Seles!!! All I've seen in the local fish-wrap lately are pictures of Seles' rodent face contorting in a most heinous fashion as she prepares to pound the ball back at her horrified, human opponent. Her mouth is agape, exposing her beaver-like chompers, while her beady black eyes are rivited on the ball. It's as though the rat-girl thinks it's not a tennis ball she's striking, but a cheese ball, and the winner gets all she can eat. Along the same line, it appears that Ms. Seles has eaten way too many cheese balls during her time off. If I had a boiler like hers, I sure as hell wouldn't be wearing a dark, clingy shirt that accentuates every tummy roll. Maybe she should try sporting a small tent. I hear the Cirque Du Soleil Tour is coming to a close.

As a long time Dodger fan, I remember calling Claude Osteen "the white rat", as a working man of the 90's, I can't help but think of Monica as..."the fat rat". Another suggested nickname.... "snack-bar".

Long live Steffi, the Hammerheads & Sabado Tarde!

L-8

Gaucho Bill