Basketball
- Ron Artest - "The Tru Warier," referring to Artest having the name of his record label (Tru Warier) inscribed on the back of his head in November 2005.
- Kobe Bryant - "24," the number he currently uses, first adopted sarcastically during the 2005-06 season when it was announced that he would make the switch.
- Michael Finley - "Billy Ocean," for the facial resemblance to the singer.
- Robert Horry - "Will Smith" or "The Fresh Prince," for the facial resemblance to the actor.
- Phil Jackson - "Phillip"/"Laker Coach Phillip", a reference used by one-time Laker Isaiah Rider to describe Coach Jackson; "Big Chief Triangle," coined by Jeff Van Gundy while he was coach of New York during the Bulls-Knicks rivalry years; "The Big Hippie," which derived from his original nickname "The Big Fat Hypocrite" and his cultivated reputation as a mystic and philosopher.
- Magic Johnson - "Earv," from his given name Earvin.
- Michael Jordan - "45," for the number he wore during his stint in minor league baseball and the early stages of his first basketball comeback.
- Mike Krzyzewski- "Coach kruh-ZOO-skee," contrary to the correct pronunciation of his name (shuh-SHEFF-skee). The usage was originally coined by a caller, but Rome decided that he liked it.
- Steve Nash - "Kelly Leak," for his resemblance to the character played by Jackie Earle Haley in the Bad News Bears movies.
- Shaquille O'Neal - "Clank Fu," in reference to his video game Shaq Fu and O'Neal's poor free throw shooting; "Kazaam," for another movie starring O'Neal; "The Big Aristotle," for Shaq referring to himself as this; "The Diesel"
- Scottie Pippen - "Scott," as Rome feels that no grown man should still be going by the name "Scottie."
- Pat Riley - "The Oil Slick," for his slicked-back hair.
- John Stockton - "Pasty" or "The Pasty Gangsta", for his reputation as one of the dirtiest and mouthiest players in the NBA.
- Isiah Thomas - "Zeke," a nickname long associated with Thomas.
- Nick Van Exel - "Van Smack" (as is Rome himself), "Tha Gangsta Hoopa"
- Jeff Van Gundy - "Balki," for his resemblance to the character played by Bronson Pinchot on Perfect Strangers.
- Larry Bird - "The Hick", a shorter version of "The hick from French Lick."
- Andrei Kirilenko - "Squirtgun", because Rome does not think he deserves the nickname AK-47, because of his crying episode on the sidelines of an NBA Playoff game and his request to play basketball in Russia, rather than for the Jazz.
Football
- Bill Belichick - "Hooded Sweatshirt" or "Hoodie," for the gray hooded pullover he wears during games.
- Bill Callahan - "Beau Bridges' Stunt Double," for the physical resemblance to the actor.
- Mark Chmura - "American Chewy," (a play on American Beauty) for being accused of sexual assault on a high school girl.
- Bill Cowher - "The Jaw," for his prominent jaw line.
- Dennis Green - "The Nutty Professor", for his resemblance to Eddie Murphy's character, Sherman Klump, in the Nutty Professor movies.
- Terrell Owens - "To," Rome's pronunciation of Owens's standard nickname "T.O."
- Bill Parcells - "The Tuna," a nickname long associated with Parcells.
- Deion Sanders - "Average" (formerly "Average Cornerback" & "Cornerback"), for stating the position of cornerback should be renamed to "Deion" when his skills at the time had become average compared to others corners in the league.
- O.J. Simpson - "Orenthal," O.J.'s given first name; "OJ" (pronounced "Ohj")
- Jim Tressel - "The Sweater Vest," for the garment he frequently sports during games and press conferences.
- Michael Vick - "Ron Mexico," for using the name as an alias while taking a herpes test.
Baseball
- Dusty Baker - "The Lizard," due to his tendency to frequently lick his lips.
- Don Baylor - "Grimace," a reference to the former McDonald's character during his tenure as manager of the Colorado Rockies, whose color scheme includes purple.
- Barry Bonds - "Baroid," "Barry Bones," "Barry Bombs", or "BALCO Bonds," for Bonds' alleged steroid use and involvement in the BALCO steroid scandal.
- Bob Brenly - "Cowher," for his resemblance to former Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Cowher.
- Peter Gammons - "Andy," for his resemblance to Andrew Jackson, whose face graces the $20 bill.
- Steve Garvey - "Number Six", for his jersey number and his well-publicized issue of fathering illegitimate children.
- John Olerud - "C3PO-lerud," for wearing a batting helmet while playing in the field and his (allegedly) emotionless, robotic demeanor.
- Rafael Palmeiro - "Rafael (or "Ratfael") Palmeroid," for testing positive for steroids and for "ratting out" teammate Miguel Tejada for allegedly giving him the substance.
- Manny Ramirez - "Man-Ram," for the first three letters of his first and last name; "Planet Man-Ram" (usually referring to "Manny being Manny")
- Kenny Rogers - "The Roaster," after Kenny Rogers Roasters, a chain associated with singer Kenny Rogers.
- Jimy Williams - "Jy-mee," in honor of Williams' unusual spelling of his first name.
- Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim - Jim typically adds several other locations that the team is near to the end of the team name to mock the fact that the team has 'Los Angeles' in their name without actually being in LA.
Miscellaneous
- Tiger Woods - "Eldrick," or "E," for his childhood name, or "Ger," short for Tiger.
- Colin Montgomery - "Monty" or "Mrs. Doubtfire," the latter in reference to his weight issues.
- Phil Mickelson - "Lefty," "Phil Mickelfat" or "Hefty," for his weight issues.
- The Big Ten Conference - "The Big Eleven," in reference to the conference actually having eleven teams since Penn State joined the conference in 1991.
- Soccer players - Rome frequently refers to soccer players by mixing the names of several players together.
- Canada - "America Junior," "America's Hat" (the Clones tend to use these nicknames more than Rome)
- "______-tariat", referring to the show's running joke of comparing WNBA players to horses (see below).
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